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Congratulations to Monster member gingerbread56, who Monster members like you voted the holder of the job most like a sitcom and the winner of a $1,000 gift card courtesy of Snelling Staffing Services. Check out the winning story here or below:
My office could provide enough comedy for a whole season’s worth of sitcoms! Here are the top 10 reasons:
- Our president has doughnuts brought in (by me) every Monday morning, because he read an article that said most suicides occur Mondays at 9 a.m., so doughnuts are an incentive to all of us to come to work and not kill ourselves.
- While reviewing the photos from the company BBQ, our HR director noticed a female VP’s fiancé was visibly aroused. We cropped the photo from the waist up and were still able to use it in our newsletter.
- We lost fridge privileges for half a year because our CMO opened it one day and deemed it too messy. In lieu of the fridge, we were given (I had to do the shopping) insulated lunch totes with insertable freezer packs to keep our food cool.
- A group of guys play “bathroom police.” They report back on who doesn’t wash their hands, picks their nose, stands at the urinal like Superman -- and worst of all, once they found a VP eating his Wendy’s lunch sitting on the toilet in the stall. Gross!
- A female accountant got drunk at our holiday party and propositioned three top execs. Cleverly, she arrived at work the following Monday with hideously dyed coppery-orange hair -- which everyone couldn’t stop talking about and drew attention away from her scandalous party behavior!
- A director had such terrible coffee breath that the other execs were sickened from being in closed-door meetings with him. In hopes that he’d get the hint, they added one-gallon containers of green Listerine to the restrooms, a bowl of mints at reception and York peppermint patties in the kitchen. Alas, it didn’t work, and his breath could still kill small plants.
- A college intern had to assemble and “train” two robot dogs to roam about the office, which were equipped with video cameras to monitor the employees!
- One of our accountants writes a blog full of random info from his life (haircuts, crying in his car, checking out women at Starbucks), and in it he refers to his boss many times, clumsily flipping between using his real name (Kevin) and a pseudonym he created for him: “Fernando.”
- Our CFO made me purchase stands and create no smoking signs for the garage level he has to park in so that when he walks from his car (in his reserved spot directly next to the elevators) he won’t have to suffer smelling any smoke. The kicker is that once he gets into his office, he lights up a cigar -- sickening me and everyone else within smelling distance. Can I make a no smoking sign for him, please?
- Our floor had to be evacuated, along with the floors directly above and below ours, when the smoke from the candles on an aging employee’s birthday cake set off the fire alarm!