Let's face it, the term "diversity" calls one thing to mind: Differences. Of course that's true, but more specifically, diversity concerns how we can respect and value each other and our contributions, even with a variety of backgrounds, races, sexual orientations and personalities. To effectively achieve these goals, however, we must focus more on what we share than on our differences.

Identifying commonalities may sound easy, but it can be harder than we expect. For one thing, human beings naturally notice differences first, be they skin color, lifestyle, ability or manner of speech. It takes effort to dig beneath these differences and identify those values and needs that reveal our shared humanity, allowing us to form better professional partnerships and teams at work. Here are some strategies that will help us humanize our diverse work relationships.

Focus on Four Basic Needs

All human beings share four basic needs: physical comfort and survival, security, dignity and social support. Admittedly, different groups of people may meet these needs differently. Mainstream American culture, for example, tends to be more individualistic than most non-Western cultures. This means social support is provided by smaller families and a less tight-knit community than for some of our Mexican-born colleagues. The trick is to recognize that, despite the different ways in which the need is met, the desire for the support of other human beings lies beneath the surface of every culture.

Talk About What's Important

Have the courage to talk about the things that are most important to you. All too often, we shy away from someone who is different than ourselves. If we hear a foreign accent, for example, we may worry:

• "She's nice, but she's from another culture; her experience is probably very different."  
• "I don't want to risk embarrassing him in case he doesn't understand what I am saying."

On and on we go, creating excuses to avoid the one initiative that could lead to friendship, a greater understanding of those around us and better relationships with our colleagues. We must begin to reach out to people with what matters to us. Everyone understands the joy of a new grandchild, the stress of completing a time-sensitive project, the disappointment of a loss or the excitement of a success. Different people may place their emphasis and priorities in different places, but fundamental human needs and interests are the same.

Stay Positive

Finally, if your efforts at identifying a similarity prove difficult, do not despair. There is a benefit to reaching out to someone different that goes far beyond your conversation's specifics. The very act of attempting to connect to someone different shows respect that can only serve as a foundation for future communication.

If a male coworker you have approached does not respond to your story about your child's first step, turn the conversation around and ask about his family. If someone from your department who is of another race responds to you coldly, do not assume it has anything to do with racism. Chalk it up to a bad day and try again another time. If a foreign-born colleague does not seem to respond to your interest, recognize that he could also be having a bad day, or that language or culture might be a factor. Don't jump to conclusions and don't give up. We are all human beings and have a lot to share and learn from each other.