Whether they're relatively new immigrants or well-assimilated second- or third-generation Asian Americans, some Asians still exhibit many of the subtle nonverbal communication cues carried over from their cultural upbringing.
For example, in many Asian cultures, it's impolite to look someone in the eye for too long, especially a person you've just met or you consider to be in a superior position. However, in American culture, not looking someone in the eye while addressing him can be considered rude or disrespectful.
Subtle Nonverbal Cues Can Go a Long Way
Peggy, the marketing director of a large Fortune 100 company, wondered why John, a Japanese American and subordinate, would rarely look her in the eye when he talked with her in her office. While he was a good performer at work, when placed in situations of face-to-face confrontation, he tended to look directly at her briefly before averting his gaze. It made her wonder if something was wrong with her or her management style. His failure to make eye contact was also adversely affecting the way he was coming across to his peers and internal clients.
John was practicing what he felt was the polite way to respect his superior, and Peggy was misconstruing his behavior and concluding he was either being dishonest or downright insecure. After all in American culture, if people divert their gaze when confronted with a tough question or pressing issue, the immediate tendency is to assume they are trying to mislead you or hide something.
Open the Doors of Communication
Peggy decided to approach John about the eye-contact issue. As a result, John became aware of his tendency to not give full eye contact when discussing certain hot topics with his manager and other colleagues. In fact, he often did it without intending to do so, as it had become such a habitual reaction.
For many years, John was always taught to show deference to elders and anyone else he would come in contact with. The conversation with Peggy opened up the lines of communication for John to share his cultural background and its influence on his behavior. Peggy walked away with a deeper understanding of how John thinks and operates, and John walked away feeling more comfortable about eye contact. They decided together that he would attempt to practice eye contact in formal meetings as well as during impromptu office pop-ins.
Here are some useful tips on managing eye contact and other nonverbal cues:
- Maintain open lines of communication with trustworthy colleagues, and obtain candid feedback about your behavior.
- When in doubt, ask one or two important colleagues or your manager if they notice that you have a tendency to look down or away when approaching them.
- Be aware of your eye contact and other body language. Practice maintaining steady contact with your audience.