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It's the 21st century, yet some people still live in a time warp, where it's OK to tell antigay jokes, make homophobic comments and even fire someone for being gay/lesbian. Most of the time, you can ignore the offenders. But what do you do when one of them is your boss?
Discrimination Is Real
According to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 14 percent of a workforce sample of more than 2,000 gay, lesbian and bisexual workers experienced workplace discrimination during 2002. University of Massachusetts associate professor of economics Lee Badgett analyzed 10 separate surveys from the late 1990s and found that up to 44 percent of those respondents had suffered discrimination based on sexual orientation during their careers.
Discrimination can be overt: a cutting remark directed at you, for example, or being passed over for promotion. It can be covert: not being asked to bring your partner to the boss's party, or uncomfortable looks when you put your partner's photo on your desk. Whatever form it takes, it hurts. It also prevents you from doing the best job you can -- so it hurts your company, too.
Three Options
Bob Witeck, CEP of Witeck-Combs Communications, has extensive experience with gay/lesbian employees at corporations, public agencies, foundations and nonprofit groups. He says that employees with homophobic bosses have three options: Accept the situation, change it or leave it.
“Unless you have benefits you absolutely can't risk, like health insurance for a sick partner, I would argue in favor of confrontation,” he says. “If you don't face it, you can't change it. And if you can't change it, that person will continue that behavior against other people. No one wins.”
The first step in confronting antigay behavior is to document everything. Write down all the details of each incident, including the effects on your frame of mind and ability to work. In addition, ask for copies of past evaluations, from the boss in question and others.
Next, find an ally. Witeck calls this “an island in the company where you feel comfortable.” Less poetically, an ally is a colleague in whom you can confide your frustrations, who will offer constructive suggestions, and who may stand for or with you as you take your next step. Your ally need not be another gay/lesbian person; in fact, straight colleagues can be tremendously effective. Your ally should, however, be someone who knows your boss and the company and who has experience with office politics. Also, be careful not to choose somebody who is overzealous -- you don't want someone who will go in with guns blazing and alienate people.
Know Your Rights
It is important to know your rights. Find out if sexual orientation is included in your company's antidiscrimination policies. The human resources department can provide this information. If you're hesitant to ask yourself, enlist your ally's help. Check to see if you are covered by state or municipal legislation. If your state or city does not protect you, check for regulations where your company is headquartered or incorporated.
Plan Your Next Move
You might speak to the boss directly, or your ally might step in for you. You may decide to talk to the boss's supervisor or assistant. There is no right or wrong solution; each workplace and every situation is different.
If you do decide to confront your boss, there are many approaches. Some people can speak frankly, while others try flattery. Humor is a strong tool, but it must be used wisely.
Andrew Stone, senior editor at Gotham, Hamptons and Los Angeles Confidential magazines, suggests subtlety. “Begin by commenting on how nice your boss's family pictures look on the desk.” Then, you can establish a dialogue based on shared values.
Sometimes a boss won't care about shared values or anything else you say. In that case, investigate your company's workplace grievance policy. Most firms have standard procedures for resolving disputes.
However, Stone warns: “Don't compromise yourself. Your work should speak for itself. And if an employer discriminates against you and you don't want to go the route of pressing charges, then leave your job. Life is too short to work for a jerk.”