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Unless we can learn to talk about diversity, we will never learn to work together effectively. The first article in this series looked at the importance of talking about diversity and how political correctness and fear keep us from doing just that. We now move to the next step: Strategies for effective dialogue about diversity.
As with every workplace issue involving human relationships, communication is central to success. Communication and all it entails becomes even more important when dealing with diversity issues. There are three components of communication that are imperative if conversations about diversity and the tensions it can create are going to work: self-awareness, controlling fears and commonality.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness means the ability and willingness to closely examine the cause of diversity-related tension. Beware that self-examination is apt to reveal good old-fashioned fear. It may be the fear of being disliked that can arise when something we said has been misinterpreted, fear of our biases showing through a misspoken word or ill-chosen act, or fear of reliving some horror of discrimination that happened to us earlier in life.
Controlling Fears
It's important to recognize our fears, because awareness is the only way we can control them and prevent them from interfering with our ability to listen to what the other person is saying. When we are afraid of someone else or of what they are about to say, it is impossible to really listen.
Fear functions either as an amplifier or muting device, alternately exaggerating or blocking out the other person's words or intent. If we allow our fear to make us angry, our anger will see to it that we only hear a message that justifies our rage. If we are defensive, we hear words that attack us. It is as if our emotions cause us to go into a dream-state in which an old familiar tape of what we think the other person is saying perpetually plays in our heads.
Commonality
Once we really listen, we are in a better position to accomplish the third component of good diversity dialogue: Identifying something both parties share. Perhaps this shared element is as simple as the fact that you both feel uncomfortable, both are struggling with working around people who are different from you or both are feeling afraid.
One thing you might focus on is the fact that no matter what tension brought you together, you share the sad reality that bias is still present in every workplace in America and everyone -- no matter how different their perspectives -- is a victim of that bias. Perhaps you are a victim, because bias has been directed against you or your own biases distance you from good relationships with others. Maybe you are a victim because its prevalence has led to false accusations and tension between you and your colleagues. Perhaps you are just a bystander who is a victim of bias, because it has created conflict around you. No matter who we are and no matter what our perspective, bias is an enemy we all share.